Moving On

Many have seen me writing in my journal when I arrive early to church.  Or they have seen it when I pull it out to write a note to myself of someone's name, number, or just something I just keep forgetting to do.  I have gotten comments on it many times and a few of my friends have enjoyed looking through the pages to see pictures which have been drawn or see what I have written.  Some may find it strange that I let whoever wants to read it.  But I guess to explain that I would have to tell how my journal got started.

My journal began as a journal that was to be shared between friends.  I had heard of some friends who instead of writing letters to each other they had a notebook which got passed around between them.  Almost the the Sisterhood of the Traveling pants but instead of pants it was a notebook where we could share thoughts and dreams.  I thought it was a fantastic idea but it got passed around once and I realized I was the only one of us that wanted to do it.  So I just kept writing in it.  I would bring it to church and during service my best friend and I would write notes to each other.  Eventually as we got older and a little more mature we cut down on the amount of written conversation between us and started using it to keep sermon notes.  From that some of my friends got comfortable drawing in the journal and would take it in the middle of class and draw or use it for passing notes.  For some reason the teachers never seemed to mind the passing of the journal.  So that is how the journal got started.

But you must be thinking that because of the open nature of the journal I can't bare my heart out in it.  The truth is I can and I do.  What if someone sees something I wrote that was very personal?  It doesn't happen very often but it has happened before.  It tends to be somewhat embarrassing for me but it also helps me.  You see when you pour your heart out many times you hurt others in the process.  But when you think that person might read this then it helps you to think twice before you write something.  To many times have I heard of someone finding someones journal and it being used as blackmail because of what that person had written.  So when I write anything I think of it as someone may never read this but I am still going to write it as if someone will.  I choose to be a person who could live life with out regrets, but I am not perfect and sometimes stumble.  But I am learning that after a stumble one must learn to lift their head again and not be ashamed of who they are.

My past faults play a huge part in who I am today.  I like who I am today, so why wish way the present in the hope to change the past?  It is a hard lesson to learn but I am slowly learning it.  The journal has helped out a lot in teaching me that lesson.  To be able to bare ones soul knowing someone might see it can be hard.  But I have found that when ever I have something on my mind and I write it down it helps me to move on to something else.  In my life it has helped me to take steps closer to God and to draw closer to those around me.